Archive for April 2016
Why I Don't Have a College Fund for My Kids
I'm not paying for my kids to go to college. I refuse. I would do anything for my kids...but I won't do that. First, I should preface this whole post by saying that I am a firm believer in the power of higher education. I think it is an amazing, wonderfully enriching experience that improved my life significantly. If I could make a career going to school for the rest of my life, I would. I would be a lifetime student. I am a firm believer in the benefits of going to college. So I don't want anyone to come into this post thinking I am going to trash higher education, because I find so much value in it. I will be thrilled when any of my kids tell me they want to go to college and I will back them 100 percent. This post isn't about crapping on our higher education system, though it is not without its faults. This post is simply about why I am not putting away extra money to pay for it for my kids. I don't feel the least bit guilty about it, and here are my reasons:
1. College May
Not Be Necessary
Not all kids
will go to college. Some of them will go to trade schools, some of
them open their own business, some of them go directly into the
workforce and end up with fulfilling careers through networking or
moving up the ranks. College isn't right for everyone. Right now a
college degree is usually necessary to get a good job, but with
tuition and costs continuing to rise dramatically every decade and
putting more young people in the hole, I can't help but think maybe
we are too hasty in thinking that every kid needs to go to a
traditional, four-year college. I also think we are hitting some sort
of turning point in the post secondary education system. Kids are
leaving school with crippling debt and not finding jobs in the
industry they trained for, and if they do, they're not getting pay
that offsets the cost of their degree for several years down the
road. All in all, while I value higher education, I think that the
current system needs a complete overhaul. Costs will need to stop
increasing so dramatically, or more financial aid in the form of
grants and scholarships will need to be made available to a wider
array of students. We are already seeing kids leaving school angry
and bitter; they spend tens of thousands for the promise of a
fulfilling career and end up feeling cheated if those promises aren't
kept.
All I'm saying
is that maybe we should consider that college isn't right for
everyone, and instead of throwing money at the school and expecting a
high earning middle manager to be spit out, we consider our child's
unique personality and skills and decide together if it's the
right choice. And who knows, we may get some crazy socialist in the
white house who will make college free for my kids and it won't even
matter!
2. Kids aren't always ready for college right out of high school
Going to
college right after high school and deciding the career path you want
to take seems crazy to me. Especially if you have to make that
decision before ever entering the workforce. Even as an adult going
back to school, I was SURE that I was going to go into accounting and planned my major accordingly.
Then I took some higher level accounting courses at UW and decided
NOPE. I was bored to tears and couldn't care less about balance sheets. Subsequently, I took two extra quarters to
graduate to make up for the time I took on all those accounting classes.
As for teenagers in that situation, the odds of choosing the right
major and sticking with it are even lower. Their prefrontal cortex, which manages risk
assessment, isn't fully developed yet. They're still living with
their parents. It is a yuuuge decision to be making right out of high
school. People are putting a lot of time and a lot more money into
taking these classes, and if they screw up and choose the wrong
major, all that time and money has gone down the drain. I know
countless people who got a degree and don't work in the industry or
field they went to school for, and for a myriad of different reasons. I'm not saying they all wasted their money, not at all, (remember that I truly value the college experience as a form of personal enrichment if nothing else) I just don't want to pay $40,000 to send my kid to a good college for a year
on the possibility that they will go into accounting and make a
career out of it. These days, people are waiting longer than ever to meet the arbitrary milestones that previous generations met right after high school. That includes getting married and having kids (if they decide to at all), buying a house, and so on.
Plus, many kids
out of high school don't take college seriously because they don't
understand or care about how much is at stake, and I feel like that
is compounded when it's not their own money being spent. College is
such a new experience and there is so much to do and think about; academics and career planning may go on the back burner while they
take in everything campus life has to offer AND have the
responsibility of becoming an adult on their shoulders.
Oh my god.
This guy gets it.
Just give yourself a break, man. You deserve it.
I think going
to work for awhile before going to school gives people a dose of
reality and a real appreciation for learning. They know what the job
market is like; they know what a real employer is looking for and
what is expected of them. Quite frankly, they know that working sucks
and that you're probably not going to get the job of your dreams when
you step foot off that campus for the last time.
I think if you
put the responsibility of college tuition on your kids instead of
shouldering all of the debt yourself, they are going to make smarter
decisions about their future and really think about the career path
that is right for them. I think it's similar to buying a car or a
house. People don't take those decisions lightly. They are committing
to YEARS of payments and they want to make sure they're making the
best choice.
3. I already
pay for SO MUCH
- Preschool. Preschool
tuition for three kids for two years each! I've been paying preschool
tuition for four of the last five years, and I have two more years
ahead of me. I think preschool is really important, not just for
academics, but for socializing and getting an understanding of what
to expect when they go to kindergarten, so I pay up the rear end so
they all get that experience.
- Medical
Stuff. I'm paying $1500 for an ER visit when one of my boys had
the flu and ran a temperature of 104.7. That kid also has asthma and
requires regular inhaler prescriptions and checkups that aren't
cheap. I have to pay for vision therapy to the tune of $8400, (Read:
Eight thousand, four hundred dollars) for my other little guy due to
strabismus. I've gone through so much amoxicillan and Tylenol in the
past 4 months alone that I should probably buy stock in
pharmaceuticals. We have insurance premiums, deductibles and copays
for these kids that take a huge chunk out of our budget every month.
Oh, YOU'RE sad? That injury just cost me all my wine bar money for the next year.
- A MILLION other things
All three of my kids will likely need braces. They will need money for extracurricular activities. They regularly need new clothes and shoes, school supplies and haircuts. And TOYS. I've spent a lot of money on toys over the last 8 years, and while the number of toys reduces significantly over time, they get dramatically more expensive as the kids get older. Suddenly $20 on a Lego set doesn't seem too bad compared to $60 on a new video game. After 2, you have to buy a plane ticket for your kids, which brings me to my next reason why I don't want to pay for college:
4. I want to
take vacations.
We go to the ocean and Great Wolf Lodge every
year. We went to Orlando and hit all the theme parks there a few
months ago. I want to take them to Hawaii and New York and Washington
DC and maybe even Europe one day. I would much rather spend my money
on quality, family vacations to build lifetime memories than a boring
college fund. Maybe that's the Millennial in me; thinking for the
here and now. Oh, well. It's something I never had as a kid and
something I value greatly.
5. Location,
location, location.
We are closing on a house next month in a
really nice neighborhood in a really nice school district. We are
paying a premium to be in this neighborhood and school
district. To put it simply: Our old house had just under an acre of
land in a quiet neighborhood, and our property taxes were lower than
the 8000 square foot (read: 0.18 acre) lot we are buying just one city over. That's not
even a quarter of an acre! The same home and lot size would cost a
lot less in another local city, but we love the town and the school
district and we want the best for our kids, so we are paying for the
nice house in the good school district.
Birthdays.
All three of my kids' birthdays fall within the first four months of
the year, which means we have Christmas, and then one birthday after
another until April 2nd. Having to plan a party and buy
gifts is super expensive, but it's even worse when you have to turn
around and start on the next one immediately after one ends. I have a
friend who has a lovely home on an awesome farm, and my son loved it
so much he asked to have his birthday party there. I am considering
hitting up my friend because that sounds a hell of a lot better than
$350 for two hours at a bounce house. And you can't bring Sangria to
a bounce house. It's frowned upon.
I shudder to think what little Chloe's wedding is going to look like.
Sophia's parents bought a fucking zoo.
6. There are other things I want to buy
When my kids
grow up and start to move out, I want to spend my money on Steve and
I. I want to get regular pedicures, go on vacations and take up
expensive hobbies. I want to go out to nice dinners and do fun things
that empty-nesters do. After putting 23+ years into funneling every
moment and penny into my kids, I want to start doing things for
myself, and I would much rather spend my savings on those things than
sending the kids, ALL THREE OF THEM, off to college. I mean just
picture it: I've been pissing and moaning about six years of
preschool tuition, can you imagine up to 12 years of college
tuition?! NAH.
The bottom line
is that if these guys want to go to college, they better find a way
to pay for it themselves. Unless we happen to come upon a million
bucks unexpectedly, they better hope for a scholarship or some grants. Plus, by the
time I finally get me and Steve's student loans pay off, Danny will
be going to college. That doesn't seem fair. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not sure you heard me. I said 'Bye, Felicia.'
If you have a college fund for your kids, that's great. I applaud your willingness to invest in their future and allow them to live comfortably; I'm not judging by any means. I wrote this blog to explain why I don't have one for mine, and why as parents, we shouldn't feel guilty about that. We provide so much for the first 18 years of life, after that it's okay to be a little selfish.
